Monday, August 1, 2016

Discovery - October 2, 2015

     Could this be something? In school they said a non-moveable lump, or did they say moveable? Shit I can’t remember. These were my first thoughts when I discovered a small lump on my left breast. I was performing a self breast exam as I did almost every single day (because of my self diagnosed hypochondria) and I felt a marble sized ball on the top left of my left breast. I mentioned it to my husband who just kind of dismissed it as nothing. See he’s use to me telling him I have some type of illness. Okay I CAN be a little extra sometimes.
     A couple of days go by and I check again and I still feel it. “Babe, I really feel a lump, feel this.” He reaches over and begins to examine it himself. “I do feel a little something here.” I knew it! It wasn't my imagination! I’m NOT crazy! So I tell him I’m going to schedule an appointment with my gyn so she can check it out. He agrees and says I’ll go with you.
     Next morning I call to schedule an appointment and the receptionist tells me she can get me in in about 3 weeks. Ummmm no. I have a lump in my breast. She apologizes and says it's the soonest she can get me in. In my head I think - we’ll see about that. I send an email to my doctor explaining to her the situation and that there is no way I can function each day for weeks knowing I have a lump in my breast and that my sister just finished fighting her own battle with breast cancer.
     The next day at my Gyn appointment ;-) my husband and I are in the waiting room and as he usually does he’s assuring me that it’s probably nothing. Of course I’m scared to death but I’m acting as if its no big deal and agreeing with him. We get into the examination room and the doctor asks me to show her exactly where we felt it. She begins to exam the left breast and there is complete silence in the room. She examines the right breast, still silence. She goes back to the left breast and examines the top left area for what felt like an hour but I’m guessing was less then 2 minutes. I start fighting back tears. She feels it, I know she does. “You feel it right?” “Yes its very small, could be nothing but I would like to schedule you for a mammogram and ultrasound.” She leaves. I lock eyes with my husband. He tells me don't worry, I’m sure its nothing and tries his best to comfort me. This can’t be happening…

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