I Have Breast Cancer - October 20, 2015

     They still haven’t called. Should I call? Should I wait? Its Monday, I’m at work, trying to keep busy. Later in the day we get a message from the doctor to call him back. I wanted my husband and I to be together when we receive the results---just in case. I had to work late this day so the plan was when we get home from work tomorrow we will call him back. Well now it's the morning and I tell him lets just have a conference call because there is no way I can wait until the end of the day. I’m sure it’s nothing anyway, there’s no way I have cancer. He’s hesitant but agrees. I don't have any patients to see for the next hour so I lock myself in my office with my co-worker. We call my husband and conference the doctor in…

     “Hello Mrs. Berrocales, I’m sorry to have to tell you this but the biopsy shows a malignancy. You do have breast cancer.” 

     I felt like I was in a movie, this wasn't real. He said so much more but Charlie Brown's teacher took over the phone call and all I heard was wah wah wah. I didn't cry, I was just numb. He kept talking and after all the wah wah wah’s I asked “What do I do now?” He tells me to contact my primary and that I need a breast surgeon and oncologist. We thank the doctor and he hangs up. My husband is still on the phone and he says “I’m leaving right now I’ll meet you at home.” I turn and look at my coworker, start to cry as she hugs and consoles me. I leave work and drive home. 

     Is this for real? Do I really have cancer? How the hell do I have cancer? I can’t believe this? How am I going to tell Bam? My poor baby has to see his mom with cancer. What if it has spread? I could die. I don't even remember driving, it’s like I left work and magically appeared home. My husband arrived a few minutes after me and all we could do was hold each other...